Intuitive Intimacy: How to Make The Most Of Your Dating Experience in 2024
Have you heard that the dating app, Bumble, has declared the phrase of the year “Intuitive Intimacy”? Yup! Based on a 26,000 person survey result, Bumble has predicted that what people want most in 2024 — more than sexual compatibility—is intuitive, deeply felt, and long lasting emotional intimacy. I could have told you that, but I digress!
In a world dominated by an obsession with aesthetics, intuitive intimacy offers a profound alternative—a connection that transcends language and looks, and taps into the deeper currents of emotion and energy. By embracing self trust, presence, and mindfulness, we can cultivate a bond that enriches our relationships beyond the normal checklists of relationship criteria.
Let’s break down how…
First of all, what does intuitive mean?:
Intuition requires cultivating presence and awareness. It's about showing up fully, both mentally and emotionally, in each moment. This requires staying attuned to the present rather than being consumed by the fantasy of your perfect partner, or the devastating distraction of past regrets with previous partners. Intuition means observing and discerning both the behavior of any potential partners as well as the feelings that exist in your body while you’re with them.
Intuition is often described as a gut feeling or inner knowing that arises without conscious reasoning. It's a subtle yet profound sense of clarity and insight that guides us toward what feels right or true. Intuition is deeply connected to our subconscious mind and can provide valuable guidance toward decision-making and problem-solving.
Characteristics of Intuition:
Clarity and Calmness: Intuitive insights typically come with a sense of clarity and calmness, providing a feeling of certainty or direction.
Alignment with Values: Intuition often aligns with our core values and authentic desires, reflecting what truly matters to us on a deep level.
Empowerment: Following our intuition can empower us to make choices that resonate with our true selves, leading to greater fulfillment and satisfaction.
Body Awareness: Intuitive messages may manifest as physical sensations, such as a feelings of warmth or lightness in the body, indicating a sense of alignment with our inner truth.
How do I trust my intuition?:
Intuition is deeply connected to our subconscious mind and can provide valuable guidance in decision-making and determining whether a partner is healthy for us. Anxiety, on the other hand, is characterized by a sense of worry, apprehension, or fear about people or potential future events. Unlike intuition, anxiety often stems from a perceived threat or danger, whether real or imagined. If you have a history of trauma, especially trauma within relationships with caregivers or past partners, it can be exhausting to determine what is intuition and what is anxiety. I know you want to make the best possible decisions in your personal and intimate lives, but it can be overwhelming and shame inducing to continuously miss the mark when picking potential partners. Repeating unhealthy patterns is the number one reason why active daters feel so burnt out!
While intuition and anxiety can elicit similar physiological responses, there are key actions that you can take to heal from a disorganized sense of intuition and lean into true self trust and confidence:
Mindfulness Meditation: Regular mindfulness meditation can help cultivate inner calmness and clarity, making it easier to distinguish between intuitive insights and anxious thoughts. It can also allow you to practice sensing what you feel in your body and what those feelings are trying to tell you.
Self-Compassion: Self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, particularly in times of failure, struggle, or suffering (aka the typical dating experience LOL). Self-compassion encourages us to embrace our vulnerabilities and imperfections, fostering authenticity in our interactions with potential partners. By accepting ourselves fully, we create a safe space for intuition as well as genuine connection and intimacy to flourish.
Keep a Dating Journal: As you know, keeping a journal can be a helpful tool for processing emotions, gaining insights, and discerning between intuitive guidance and anxious thoughts. In addition to a general journal, I highly recommend keeping a dating journal where you can record green, yellow, and red flags, as well as compatibility markers, shared values, etc., immediately after a date. This kind of active check-in with yourself can build trust, support the accuracy of your first impressions, and keep fantasies vs realities at the forefront of your intuition practice.
Intimacy — the OG need of healthy relationships:
Intimacy is often equated solely with sexual activity, but it's essential to recognize that true intimacy transcends physicality. While sex can be a beautiful expression of intimacy, there are a myriad of ways to connect deeply with our potential partners beyond the bedroom.
Two very important kinds of intimacy…
Emotional intimacy involves opening our hearts to our partners and sharing our innermost thoughts, fears, and dreams. It's about creating a safe space where we feel heard, understood, and supported. Emotional intimacy strengthens the bond between partners, fostering empathy, compassion, and a sense of belonging.
Intellectual intimacy arises from stimulating conversations, shared interests, and mutual respect for each other's intellect. It's about engaging in meaningful discussions, exchanging ideas, and challenging each other's perspectives in a respectful and supportive manner. Intellectual intimacy fosters a sense of mental connection and stimulates personal growth within the relationship.
The Power of Time!
In a world that often values instant gratification and quick fixes, the concept of intuitive intimacy reminds us that true connection requires time, patience, and discernment. Intuitive intimacy takes time—time to build trust, time to explore each other's inner worlds, and time to deepen the bond between partners. It's a gradual process that unfolds organically as we invest in the relationship, nurturing it with care and attention. If intimacy is not organically developing and it’s been a significant period of time, this might be a sign that the relationship isn’t quite what you’d hoped. And that’s good to know!
Patience and Persistence: Developing intuitive intimacy requires patience and persistence, as it may take time for partners to feel comfortable opening up and expressing their true selves.
Building Trust: Trust is the foundation of intuitive intimacy, and it takes time to establish. Through consistent actions and genuine communication, partners can build trust in each other's intentions, creating a solid foundation for deeper connection.
Navigating Challenges: Intuitive intimacy is tested in times of conflict and adversity. It's during these challenging moments that partners have the opportunity to deepen their understanding of each other and strengthen their bond through empathy, compassion, and mutual support.
Discernment: Honing our Intuitive Skills
Discernment plays a crucial role in the journey toward intuitive intimacy, as it allows us to distinguish between authentic connections and superficial interactions. It involves listening to our inner voice and trusting our instincts in navigating relationships.
Listening to our Inner Wisdom: Discernment requires us to listen to our inner wisdom—the gut feelings and intuitive nudges that guide us toward deeper connection and authenticity. By tuning into these subtle cues, we can discern which relationships are aligned with our values and aspirations.
Honoring Boundaries: Discernment involves respecting our own boundaries and recognizing when a relationship may not be serving our highest good. It's about being honest with ourselves and having the courage to walk away from connections that no longer nourish us.
Cultivating Presence: Presence is essential for discernment, as it allows us to stay attuned to the present moment in order to perceive the subtle dynamics at play in our relationships instead of the potential of the person or relationship. By practicing mindfulness and self-awareness, we can sharpen our intuitive skills and make informed choices about whom to invite into our inner circle.
Building intimacy requires intention, effort, and vulnerability. Intuitive intimacy is a subtle dance of energy, observation, and self compassion, where we attune to others’ vibes and respond instinctively to unspoken needs and desires of our own. It involves listening not only to the words spoken but also to our gut.