My Favorite Fall Dating Trend: “Contra-Dating”

Sep 13

As the crisp air rolls in and the leaves begin to turn, Fall often brings with it a sense of reflection and transformation. It's a season that invites us to slow down, get cozy, and perhaps rethink the patterns we've been following in our lives. One area where this introspection can be particularly meaningful is in our approach to dating.

Enter contra-dating: the practice of intentionally doing the opposite of what you would typically do in your romantic life. As unconventional as it sounds, this approach can be a refreshing way to break free from old habits and open yourself up to new experiences.

Why Fall is the Perfect Time for Contra-Dating?

A Season of Reflection: Fall naturally encourages us to look inward. The shorter days and cooler temperatures provide a backdrop for quiet evenings and self-reflection. It's an ideal time to reassess your dating patterns and explore why certain habits may not be serving you.

Change is in the Air: Just as the trees shed their leaves to prepare for winter, Fall is a time for letting go of what's no longer needed. Contra-dating is about shedding outdated dating habits and embracing change. Whether it's trying a new type of date or being open to someone you'd normally overlook, this is your season to explore different possibilities.

Cozy Vibes Encourage Connection: The Fall season is synonymous with warmth—think soft sweaters, hot beverages, and fireside chats. These cozy vibes can create the perfect environment for deep, meaningful conversations with someone new or for reevaluating your approach to dating with someone familiar.

How to Start

Identify Your Patterns: Before you can do the opposite, you need to understand what your "norm" is. Reflect on your past relationships and dating habits. Do you tend to date a specific type of person? Do you always follow the same routine when meeting someone new? Do you have certain deal-breakers that may be limiting your opportunities? If you need assistance with gaining this insight, therapy can help : )

Challenge Your Comfort Zone: Once you've identified your patterns, it's time to step out of your comfort zone. If you're typically drawn to outgoing, extroverted partners, consider giving someone quieter a chance. If you usually go for casual coffee dates, why not try something more adventurous, like a hike or a visit to a pumpkin patch? (don’t roll your eyes, it’s fun!)

Embrace the Uncertainty: Contra-dating is about embracing the unknown. It can be uncomfortable at first, especially if you're used to having a specific "type" or following certain rules in dating. However, this discomfort is often where the most growth happens. Allow yourself to be surprised by what (and who) you might find when you venture outside your usual preferences.

Reflect on Your Experiences: After trying out contra-dating, take some time to reflect on how it felt. Did you discover something new about yourself? Did stepping out of your comfort zone lead to a deeper connection? Use these insights to continue refining your approach to dating, whether that means fully adopting contra-dating or finding a balance that works for you.

The Benefits of Contra-Dating

Breaking Old Cycles: If you find yourself repeatedly attracting the wrong type of partner or getting stuck in the same relationship dynamics, contra-dating can help you break those cycles and create healthier patterns.

Expanding Your Horizons: By dating outside your norm, you open yourself up to a wider range of experiences and people. This can lead to discovering new aspects of your personality, desires, and what truly makes you happy in a relationship.

Building Resilience: Trying something new in your dating life requires courage and adaptability. These are skills that can benefit you not just in relationships but in other areas of your life as well.